It's Got To Be

What did you expect?
Free reign over who and what I am?
Boundaries must be set
Expectations must be met
I belong to no one
And no one belongs to me
One may want
Well, I will have
Show me what you say you want to give
Give me what you say you will
Prove ones self to be legit
To be sincere
To really care
On the table now
If I am this you wish from
Meet those expectations
Or I am gone
Good things in life aren't free
Well....neither am I
Regardless I will survive
And do more than aspire to be
These dreams are more important than you
And they will be reality

©J.P.

Cutting through to me
To you
Feel the power within
One another
Emotions, the motions
OH SO!
What do I want?
You know, I know!
We know!
Come fly to me

Wanting more
Like anticipation for the sweetness
Pouring down to me
Through from you
Awaiting far too long
Oh the sweet suffering you bring!
Welcome into me!

Cutting through to me
To you
Feel the power within
One another
Emotions, the motions
OH SO!
What do I want?
You know, I know!
We know!
Come fly to me

Come Fly

Taste oh your sweet caresses
Vibrating harder and deeper
Showing me all that ever was
Ever is the power you invoke
I HUNGER!

©'07 J.P.

You've Made Me

I believe the last time has come
The way you've struck me
Mocked me to the core
Made me feel you for the first time
Love is not what we think
Nevermore...OH nevermore

No words to express
Left in shock and awe
When you walked in and just took me
Then ripped yourself away
With no reason save your own
I know I was wrong too

I believe the last time has come
The way you've struck me
Mocked me to the core
Made me feel you for the first time
Love is not what we think
Nevermore...OH nevermore

I am the blame for how you feel
If it was not for me
You would be here still
My shadow knows
And still laughs at me
The demons
Your devil

I believe the last time has come
The way you've struck me
Mocked me to the core
Made me feel you for the first time
Love is not what we think
Nevermore...OH nevermore

©'07 J.P.

Incomplete

Never in my entire life
Have I ever felt this way
Believe it or not
I've thought a lot through
Made mistakes I regret
And now I suffer with consequence
You feel the way you do
Because I unintentionally inflicted it
Yes you are right
And I HATE that kind of fight
But I cannot give up
On hope that so many forgotten
When that is gone
So life will fade too
A new day never seems to shine down
I've done my time
And apologize for the past rolled over into now
You are right
It does play a part
A past I thought was long gone
Waited to attack now
And I didn't think it would
So I've made you suffer what was not your own
If ever you could forgive me
I truly hope you do
I hope you'd give US another chance
For there is no me, without you

©'07 J.P.

Pariah

When the pain dulls
I will become bitter
Welcomed and cradled
As darkness settles
More and more do I see
To most everyone
How love means nothing
Carelessly handled
Such a delicate emotion
Fading it is time
These days have wrought endless pain
Beckoning to end
Walking on the edge of the knife
So sharp and quick are words
Just words
Twisted to fit ones needs
Words never spoken or thought
Words....scripted
Where feeling such, have no more meaning
Thrown away to the wolves
That vicious pack!
Drooling with hunger
Waiting in the shadows to devour

©J.P.

Expressions Explanation

You have caused an eruption
Unknown before to my soul
A turmoil within face-to-face
I fight against myself now
Out of fear it is that I crumble
In awe at such a precious gift
Within your eyes
Pours your love and misery
One of which warms me so
As the sun beats down
Upon each grain of sand
Reflecting all the love in you
Which with strength tries to hide away
The pain and suffering buried
Deep within through those same eyes
Tears aren't enough
And though I see my efforts fall
In hopes to crush it all away
Hope remains that this love will stay

©'07 J

Apocalyptic Chess

On white thunder roars across the sky
Taking what he can, leaving nothing
In his wake, many die for no noble cause
Although the crown the rider wears
Only shines upon the bow of conquest
Not far behind
The red dawn bombards all in line
With the emanating fire in his footsteps
Relentless his companion passes
Effortlessly sweeping the sword of Aries
All cry out in confusion and terror
While without warning
An unfair deafening wails
Through the hearts of those
Where love and remorse still reside
Ever so slowly
Creeping like a thief in darkness
Came abundant demise for them and many
No one seen it coming
Cannot comprehend why they've been forsaken
Even justice cannot see them
As she overlooks their outstretched hands
Whimpering, pleading with bloated bellies
Where flies from a horses ass
Linger near their perception
For you make not enough
To afford her whorish ways
Then so still, the quiet before
A deafening chill welcomes
Unsuspecting aery fog
Now upon all swift
Run amuck with 3 of their seals
The cloaked one,
By no means A stranger
Accompanied by Persephone's groom
The sands have run out
Mere seconds from the outcome

©'06 J.P.
(as posted on my Deviant Art)

Handle This

Right now there are issues
Being dealt with by moi
Can you handle that?
They're not your own
Even if you were to offer assistance
What could you do?
Could you take it all away?
Help me to my awakened state?
Repair this atrophy
Brought on by such slumber
Show me what to do
Where to go
How to live
Armed to the teeth with knowledge
Memories both unreal and true
Inside....I know
What is and is not
What do I do now?
Can you help me?

©'07 J.P.

Breaking Free

She looks around
Sees the same old shit
Hears the same old shit
From dusk 'til dawn
Whatever time is
She defies it with head held high
Looking all aorund her
Deep within her
Staring into the smoke
That dark smoke...a veil
Like sand blinding to our spirit
She rips through the veil
Through the lies, sorrow and sadness
With tears and cries aloud
To the sky above
"Ain Soph! Save me! Show me the path!"
Fading isn't so bad....
Where no one can really see
But all shall hear
Oh yes...ALL shall hear

©'07 J.P.

But You Don't See Me

Silent smile Adorn's her face
Blinded are others who see no trace
You sit there doing what you will
Yet, here she remains still
As you seem to skip over her
Laugh and smile at those who SWOON all over you daily

Like was said she is just here
An ornament on the wall of your life
Put away when tired maybe?

She weeps so deep inside
Building up to explode
Wits end of daily life
With no one there to hold
No one to be held by
She IS alone

Who holds her up, as she cries herself to sleep in the rain?
Who holds her up, as she is bestowed by more pain?
Who wipes away the tears spilled even when you are away

Dance on her grave
Sing on her corpse
Break her reflection more

©'07 J.P.

This One

In your dark eyes
I know but realize
I do not need to
Know what you say is true
Search my soul again
No beginning nor end
Touch who I really am
The longing kills me
The longer I cannot see
T'is bad enough I feel so alone
The spirit which is me
I cannot condone
The way things exist
How long will all of this persist?
A tease to only breathe your kiss
To hold your hand, taunting
This like a dream, haunting
TAKE ME
TAKE ME
I beg of thee
SAVE ME
Is there anyone
To hear the cries of those alone?

©'07 J.P.

THE ESSENCE OF NOTHING

AS ONE SOUNDLY SLEEPS
ANOTHER SILENTLY WEEPS
ALONE, IN THE COLD
DARKNESS, WITH FIENDS SO BOLD
WHERE MONSTERS TORMENT
UNKNOWN OUTCOME TORRID

NOW IS THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
TRUTH DEFINITELY SICKENING, UNCOUTH
THE STENCH OF LIES AND DECEIT POUR
IN THE LAND WHICH DWELLS THAT FUCKING WHORE

©'07 J.P.

Max Beckman

The King
1934-37
Oil on canvas
53 1/4 x 39 1/4 in.
St. Louis Art Museum

Awhile ago last year, went to the art gallery here in St. Louis.
In the mid section of the Gallery, turned the corner...and THERE
HE WAS! Dark, symbolic like a dream about to step from the
shadows. "The King" by Max Beckman. Beckman, who was
exhiled by the Nazi's in Germany.

Well, since that day, where I was drawn and sucked into
Beckman's world, whenever I'd visit the Museum, I just HAD
to visit this piece! I mean WOW! Something about it. Dark,
and mysterious!

"Choose your King"

But today, he wasn't there. I scoured the various exhibits, and floors...
But MY KING wasn't anywhere to be found! I asked like 3 museum
affiliates, and was finally directed on the right path. He was
taken down, but they weren't sure for how long, since they sometimes
rotate the art.

Went to the information desk, and was then directed to the Museum
Library. Where FINALLY I was able to find out where the piece
went to! He was on loan. A vacation of sorts. On his way to
Munich, where he will be displayed until 2008. I was also fed
information on this painting that wasn't presented with it in such
great detail. And learned about Mr. Beckman as well. I also obtained
both a B&W and a color print of this piece *sigh*. The affiliates there
were also gracious enough to copy this information, on both The King
and the artist, Max Beckman.

Now I can look at him all I want. He reminds me of someone, and
no one all at once. Cannot explain. OH!!! I also learned Beckman
had done 2 versions of this piece. And there are definate differences
indeed. I can see why he didn't really like his first version, although it
is also good. The second finished work is FAR more in depth,
and I LOVE it more.

Today may have had some small bumps, but this part of the day
made it better somehow for me. Although I couldn't see the painting
face-to-face today, at least I was able to view it, and learn about
it and it's artist all in one shot! Also sent me thinking more deeply
about life. Don't know why...it just did.

Whew! Now....looking forward to BIGGER and better things.

Hope my baby had a good day (My Eternity). If not, at least
somewhat. And hope everyone elses day goes well too.

When It Rains, It Pours

Once upon a time, there was happiness in all aspects.
Then something happened. Things change ya know?!
Change can be both good/bad, but sometimes even when
things look bad....they must be for a better reason. Right?

I know we had to leave the Silent Hill of doom. It was a push
for the better. So then....why do I weep like this? What is
wrong with me? I look into your eyes, and see the emotion pour
with the words you speak, "I Love You". Oh how my heart aches!!
To wonder when again, will I be able to hold you forever in my
arms again. To feel the warmth of you. Your touch which
calms my inner being....MY SOUL. OUR SOULS as one! I miss you
already!! Why would that be so bad? It is not you know.

I need you because of all the reasons you've made me happy and
more. I need you because there is no other you! And no other
will ever make me feel the way you have and still do. I need
you, so I can always feel your love, pain, happiness and joy.
Take away all of the pain and sadness together!! Be joyous and
happy together. Where no one else can EVER replace what we have!
This and more, are the reasons WHY I NEED YOU.....MY LOVE!

Always and forever,
Your Love

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAVID

Not that you may ever see this, but it is worth it.

HOPE YOUR DAY WENT AS YOU HAD HOPED.
AND MAY ALL OF YOUR DREAMS AND WISHES
COME TRUE.....I AM SURE THEY HAVE...AND THERE
ARE MORE TO COME YOUR WAY.

YOU'RE A GREAT MAN DAVID. ALL YOU DO FOR PEOPLE
WILL BE REWARDED AND THEN SOME.

MUCH LOVE and RESPECT,
~J

Lucky I Am

For these eyes to see through
And rest upon such a man as you
One of which this soul
Always taking it's toll
Has never had the honor
Until this moment upon her

To share in this warmth
As away from slumber I come
Finding us in one another's embrace
And looking at such a beautiful face

To share in all we do
In all we are too
Learning to love one again
More than a lover, more than a friend

©'07 J.P.

When

I look down in hidden tears
Pain falls from this heart
A mystery not to really know
Where this life intends to try and place me
So, should I care at all
Where you so choose to follow suit
In the march behind
Whatever one chooses to call this
The taste of death
Is all that lingers upon the surface
These lips that which only express truth
Emotions resurface
Only to question their wisdom in doing so
Was it wise to bleed this way?
Do such words or emotion
Fall on deaf ears in multitudes?
Hope that only the seed remains planted
Taking root to grow up
Again in innocence

©'07 J.P.

Spiral of Darkness

Sometimes it takes it toll
On this tattered and torn soul
This light in darkness peers from below
As the eye opens looking to know
Don't care what the hell I have done
No longer will I be on the run
Nothing to do now
No longer wasting my time on how
So from you I slowly fade
As the game you have played
Deep down this hate festers, seeping
Love the way you thought I was sleeping
When all the while
Inside I watch on and smile
Letting it all go
Get on with the show
Untied and undone
The time has come

©'07 J.P.

Where Am I?

Where have you set me
In your life
Would I be the field you play
Another touchdown to spike away
Nothing anticipated but is all the same
Ripping this heart from the cage
Now what will you do?
Rotting away the past
You wish to remain attached to
Nothing I can say
Nothing I can do
Moving onward to live
Why must you want to remain here
In the death of these fiends?
They eat at you from within
Suffering is all they want
What they feed on
To believe they are surviving
No I tell thee
They shall not linger
A sheer waste of space
In their own abyss so individual
Innocence unspoken heard now
Rip away from the pain they inflict
Upon your beauty within
I can no longer bear to witness
Fate
Unbiased in her actions
Empty in her ways
I am love
Bestowed to all of this?
Why must I bother
If all they want is death

Hate
Friend or foe

©'07 J.P.